Written By: Drew Madden
When my editor called me and gave me this assignment, I was exited. Jimmy the Tool was finally coming through. I was getting the interview I always wanted. Padma Lakshmi, best known as a former model-turned-judge on TV’s Top Chef recently did a controversial TV commercial for Carl’s JR.
So I thought to myself who will I be interviewing? Who was this Famous Star? Could it be Padma Lakshi herself? I hope my wife doesn’t get jealous! Could it be Paris Hilton? She had the last controversial Carl’s JR commercial. All Jimmy the Tool would tell me was a place and time to meet him and this Famous Star.
So I did my research watching Padma’s video at least a hundred times. I spent time studying her culinary moves. I was disappointed to find that her award winning book “Easy Exotic” was a cookbook, and I suppose at that point I should have expected that her book “Tangy Tart, Hot and Sweet” is likewise a cookbook. I suddenly felt like the man in the old twilight zone episode finding the book “To Serve Man.”
I prepared questions for Padma and for Paris. My favorite question I prepared is for Paris, and it is the question that still burns in my mind. Since she trademarked her catch phrase “That’s Hot”, do I owe her a nickel for writing it?
So the interview time came and I must say I was disappointed - as you can see by the picture above.
DM: What did you think of Padma’s ad?
“Really I was astonished…I mean I was always Padma’s first choice. How did she end up with The Western?!? I mean really! How do you let yourself be won over by onion rings and BBQ sauce when we all know what really matters is beef and cheese.”
DM: You seem upset. In your mind you would have been a better choice?
“Fuck yeah! I mean did you see how that burger treated her!?! She’s a lady and he’s all dripping his sauce all over her that’s so inappropriate.”
DM: What is your greatest regret?
“Not offering more choices, I mean come on I am meat and cheese. These guys come and steal my thunder based on toppings…I mean WTF!?!”
DM: How would you solve the financial crisis?
“Simple! Sit everyone down for a burger and if you didn’t help cause it, you get fries and a drink too. Then we just talk it out.”
DM: Do you believe in God?
“Yeah I do. I really don’t believe there would be sesame seeds on my bun without someone out there.”
DM: How do you define right and wrong?
“Simple burgers=right, chicken sandwiches=wrong. There are just some lines you don’t cross.”
DM: What is the most important thing in this world to you?
“My Patty, I work hard to take care of it. You know make sure I’m all beef and char-broiled.”
DM: If you had one thing you could tell the kids out there, what would it be?
“Stay true to yourself. You can cover yourself in fancy sauces or bacon, but under the bun we’re all just meat and cheese. Remember that and you will always make the right decisions.
